


I Promise

by riverofbrokensouls



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Patton Roman and Thomas are all mentioned, analogical - Freeform, if there's anything or any triggers i need to tag just let me know!, like wowza there is sure a lot of angst in here, mentions of what could be described as a panic attack?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 22:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17333966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverofbrokensouls/pseuds/riverofbrokensouls
Summary: Logan doesn't have emotions, at least that's what he tells himself. Virgil struggles to accept the ones he has. Their mutual inability to feel and express their emotions leads to a friendship, and perhaps something more.





	I Promise

For years Logan had managed to keep up his emotionless facade, convincing Thomas and the others that petty feelings would never mislead his actions. His job was to give the most sensical outlook on a situation, emotions would only cloud the rationality he needed to provide. He was logic, succinct but often cold, analytical but often unfeeling. 

Virgil on the other hand, was struggling to accept the emotions he knew he had. For so long he had remained numb to everything. It had been his job to protect Thomas from pain, and if Thomas didn’t have any feelings, no one could hurt them. He believed he was doing the right thing. 

Patton took those changes the hardest, and after a while Virgil realized the toll these repressed emotions were taking on the moral side. The regular cheer on Patton’s smile seemed muted, his eyes just weren't as bright. He couldn't muster his usual enthusiasm for life. When Virgil realized the impact his decision had on the others, he was heartbroken. With their help, he managed to turn the situation around for Thomas, but still struggled to feel his own emotions.

Maybe this was why Virgil and Logan began to grow closer. One wanting nothing to do with emotions, one desperate to feel them again. Polar opposites, pulled together by their mutual dilemas. 

Logan found it interesting to learn why Virgil wanted to feel the emotions he tried to hide. He wanted everything that Logan opposed, which only intrigued him to rationalize why. Virgil on the other hand, found comfort being around someone who struggled as much as he did. Patton and Roman seemed to have everything sorted out. Logan was in the same boat he was, and it was nice to have someone along for the ride.

At first, it had started out as a simple friendship. The two would converse with each other occasionally, finding solace being around one another. More often than not they would be found chatting in the common area, or together within their respective rooms. As the weeks progressed, they only grew closer. With each moment they spent together, their friendship grew stronger. 

It was after a couple months that they noticed how much their relationship had changed. In such a short time they had become closer friends than they could’ve imagined, but that’s as far as it went. Although they were close, they denied having any feelings towards one another, especially when Roman would insist upon it. Even Patton seemed convinced. He would look at them with a knowing smile whenever they were together. It drove Virgil mad, but he refused to say anything in retaliation.

If Virgil said that he didn’t feel anything towards Logan, they would accuse him of lying, and they would be right. At first he wanted to pretend that his feelings didn’t exist. It was futile to believe that Logan could ever feel the same way. He’d just laugh in his face. He’d would mock him, call him pathetic for allowing emotions to ruin the friendship they had worked so hard to build. 

Virgil had thought about ignoring his feelings and hiding them deep down, but realized that shoving his emotions into a figurative closet would not solve any problems. That’s what he did before he started talking with Logan, when he used to make himself numb when everything became too much. He never wanted to feel that numbness again.

That evening as they lay on the couch in the common area, Virgil searched for the right words to tell him. How could he explain to Logan just how much he loved him, without destroying everything they had built? One look at Logan, the man he loved so much, was all it took to put a fork in his plan. Logan would never look at him the same way. If he told him, those eyes which held more happiness than Logan allowed himself to believe would only look at him with disgust.

Virgil was too anxious to ruin what they had, so he kept his mouth shut, and walked right out of the room, mumbling something about being too tired to stay up any later. He couldn’t see the dismayed look on Logan’s face as he slammed the door of his room behind him.

Late that night, Logan sat awake at his desk, head in his palms, relieving the earlier events of today. Had he done something to set Virgil off, or was the other side simply tired? Logan could understand that much at least. Nearly every night that week he found it difficult to fall asleep, and most nights he spent staring at the ceiling. Tonight was no different. 

He lay his glasses down on the desk, attempting to rub the tiredness out of his eyes with no luck, frustration coiling within his chest. Glaring at the window, he desperately wished for something that could alleviate his restlessness and help him get a good night's rest. His reflection only stared back at him, the bags under his eyes far more pronounced than they had been yesterday. 

Out of nowhere, he shoved his notebooks and pens right off the desk. They crashed to the floor, loose papers flying everywhere. He could barely register that his hand were shaking. All he could feel was the confusion, anger, as well as something he couldn’t quite name, swirling inside him. How had he let these feelings consume him? He was the logical one! He was supposed to be restrained, not throwing his things across the floor like a child throwing a tantrum. 

Logan stumbled as he left his desk, all but collapsing onto the bed beside him. Tears fell like raindrops onto the pillow beneath him. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been crying, but now he couldn’t stop. No matter how hard he tried to regain his composer his body refused to respond. Every thought, every feeling, every emotion he had repressed for so long felt like they were scratching at him from the inside out, desperate to break free of the chains he had so tightly wrapped around them. All he could hear were his wretched sobs, all he could think about was Virgil.

Virgil. Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. His name was like a beacon in Logan’s stormy mind. Virgil was something known, something stable amongst the sea of chaos he had thrust himself into. Virgil was his warmth, his comfort, him home. Virgil made him want to feel things again. He made Logan unashamed of the emotions he felt, if only for an instant. Around Virgil, he could be more of himself. 

He loved Virgil. He loved him more than air itself. The reality was so irrational that Logan had to laugh, tears still streaming down his face. Why deny it? Level-headed Logan has lost his mind. He had failed at his job, he had let emotions take over. All he needed to be was the rational one, and he couldn't even do that right. 

The others deserved an apology for what he had done, but he just couldn’t muster the strength to leave his blankets. Instead, he fell into a restless sleep with Virgil’s name on his lips.

-

It was late that afternoon when Virgil really began to worry about Logan. It was unlike the other side to sleep in so late. Even if Logan was awake, it was out of character for him to remain in his room without even so much as saying hello to the others. Initially Virgil had ignored the unease he felt, chalking it up to the fact that as the personification of anxiety, he was just being a worrisome brat. When he walked into the common area and saw the concerned looks on both Roman’s and Patton’s face however, his anxiety kicked into overdrive. Without so much of a word to the others, he flew up the stairs towards Logan’s room.

Heart racing, he knocked on the door leading into his friends room. “Lo? Can you let me inside?” He spoke somewhat hesitantly, cringing at the way his voice cracked during his words. After a few moments of silence, Virgil could barely make out a quiet sniffle coming from within the room. 

“Logan, don’t be afraid, okay? It's just me,” Virgil’s hand rested upon the door knob, “I’m going to come inside now.” Sick with worry and unsure of what he’d see on the other side, Virgil turned the doorknob and gently pushed his way into the room.

A sharp hiss of pain left his lips as he came to a sudden stop, having only tread a few steps into the room. Looking down, he noticed all the pens sprawled across the floor, one of which being the culprit of his discomfort. Logan would never leave his room in such a state, Virgil worried, this is so unlike him. Stifled sobs could be heard from where the bed lay against the wall. Consumed by his own concern, Virgil hesitantly approached it.

“Don’t.” The hoarse voice shocked Virgil, barely sounding like Logan. He could only stare as Logan turned to face him, his face barely showing above the covers. “You shouldn't have to see me like this,” the logical side managed to choke out before convulsing into sobs once more. 

Virgil rushed towards to bed, all but grabbing Logan in his arms. Logan didn’t even try to resist, allowing Virgil to hold his limp form tight against his chest. He couldn’t stop his sobs, Virgil holding him tight as all his emotions finally escaped. Virgil felt tears falling onto his hoodie, and couldn’t be bothered to care. Logan needed him right now. He needed him to be there.

They remained in that position for what felt like hours, Logan wrapped tightly in Virgil's arms as they sat on the bed. His tears had stopped, and his breathing had managed to even out, now that his initial panic had ended. The sun had just started setting by the time either of them managed to talk.

“Virgil?” Logan’s voice was barely louder than a whisper, and he couldn’t stop it from breaking halfway through his question. Virgil hugged him tighter. “I’m here Logan, I’m always here for you.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Logan stammered, “I’m so sorry for all of this.” 

“There’s no reason to apologize,” Virgil soothed, running his fingers through Logan’s hair. “I’ll always be a shoulder to cry on if you need one.”

“Not for that,” Logan muttered, “For losing my composure like his. It should never have happened in the first place, and I intend to fix this issue in the near future.”

Taken aback, Virgil managed to choke out a response. “Logan, what are you saying?”

“I’m simply stating a fact Virgil,” Logans smile looked far too tight, far too forced, “It was irresponsible of me to allow myself to harbour these emotions. I will work on eliminating them in the future. I only hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive my lapse in judgement-”

To say that Virgil was shocked would be an understatement. None of what Logan had said made any sense. How could he believe that feeling emotions made him weak, that it was something he needed to apologize for?

“Logan, can you even hear yourself?” Virgil questioned, unable to comprehend what he was hearing.

“Yes actually, I believe my ears are functioning as they should. Is there a problem?” 

“There is no reason to apologize for feeling the way that you do, Logan. I won’t have it. These emotions that you feel are natural, everyone has them.” 

Logan scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, “But I’m Logic,” He stated, as if that explained everything, “I shouldn’t be feeling these emotions.” His voice trailed off, “they only get in the way”

Virgil held Logan tight, forcing their eyes to meet each others before he spoke. “You’re allowed to have emotions Logan, you’re allowed to feel things! None of us expect you to be completely robotic all of the time.” The disbelieving, unamused look Logan gave him only encouraged him to continue. “You’re just like the rest of us, you hear me? You have emotions, and those emotions will only help you make decisions in the future.”

“That’s,” Logan hesitated, as if he didn’t even trust his own words. “That’s a falsehood.”

“I’m telling the truth Logan. You know it, and I know it. Those emotions are what make you who you are, they don’t make us hate you. All of us will love you no matter what, even Thomas. There’s no need to hide who you are from the people who love you.”

As he finished speaking, Virgil realized just how close their faces where to each other. He could make out every emotion within Logan’s eyes, the hesitation, the internal conflict he struggled with, the realization that he was desperately trying to avoid. “Are you sure?” Logan whispered, unable to believe what he was saying.

“I would never lie to you Logan. We all love you so much more than you could ever realize,” he spoke without realizing the gravity of what he was just about to say, “I love you so much more than you could ever realize.”

A small gasp escaped Logan’s mouth. Virgil flushed, aware of what he had said, and aware that he could never take it back. He tried to turn his face away from Logan, to hide the embarrassment he felt, but the logical side held his face between his hands, refusing to let go. They looked at each other for a moment that felt suspended in time. It was Logan who broke the silence.

“Do you-” Logan hesitated, struggling to find the right words, “Do you really love me, Virgil?”

“Logan,” he began, and he just couldn’t stop the rest of his words from tumbling out. “I love you more than heaven and earth combined. I love you so much that I just can’t catch my breath when I’m around you. I love you and every single one of the emotions you don’t believe you have. I love you-”

“Can I kiss you?” Logan interrupted without thinking. He was staring at Virgil’s lips as if he were entranced. A wave of affection washed over Virgil as he gazed upon the logical side, who now was looking quite bashful at his outburst. 

“You don't have to! I was just -” 

Virgil leaned forwards, pressing his lips against Logan's, effectively silencing the other side. He all but melted into it, his feelings for the other side pouring out into every motion. Without realizing, his hands had become wrapped in Virgil’s hair, but the other didn’t seem to mind. He only pulled him tighter, arms clutching Logan’s waist, keeping him close and secure. Any tension between the two vanished as everything they had kept hidden for so long came rushing out. 

When Logan eventually pulled away, he was smiling so wide that Virgil couldn’t help but laugh. Warmth flooded his heart as he gazed upon the man he loved more than anything else in the world. All the sleepless night were worth it to see him looking so happy. 

Virgil would give anything to see him like this every day, but he knew that it would be a while before Logan was completely content.

“I need you to promise me something Logan.” The man in question gave no response, so Virgil continued. “I need you to work on accepting your emotions, promise me, okay?” The look Logan gave him in return was unsure.

“I’ll be there for you every step of the way,” Virgil consoled, “We all will. Every step you take, we’ll be there. I promise you, Logan, I’ll be there.” 

The look he gave Logan at that moment erased any doubt that the logical side had. Pride shone in Virgil’s eyes, and the hopeful smile on his face made Logan believe, if only for an instant, that everything was going to be just fine. He could do this. WIth Virgil by his side he could do anything.

“Okay.” He smiled, and Virgil’s heart soared.

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos if you wanna  
> follow me on tumblr  
> peace


End file.
